It was my son's last day at school before he went on Christmas vacation. I worked from home that day so I could pick him up since there was no after-care. The rest of the day was pretty quiet, but it was raining.
I had planned on leaving at 6:45pm, but it was close to 7 by the time we got rolling. With the rain and the Friday traffic, we got to Espetus at 7:40. We had to call to let them know we were running late. I dropped off the wife to check in, while I looked around for street parking. Luckily, I found one pretty quickly. After 10 minutes or so, we were seated.
I (and my son) haven't been to a churrascaria, but my wife has, so she knew the drill. Nevertheless, our server was kind enough to give us a crash course on the art of meat-eating. With drinks ordered, we were off.
I did my homework before arriving that evening. I checked their website so I had an idea of what to expect. I proceeded to the buffet and looked at what they offered. They had rice, beans & pork, paella, a fish stew, and other side dishes on one table. On the other were the salads. For a while, I thought that a vegetarian would be on seventh heaven (from how the salads are described on their website), but I think it's a disappointment. I didn't see anything interesting or extraordinary. Except for the mango salsa (the mangos were not ripe and chewy), mozzarella & tomatoes, egg salad, and blanched asparagus I tried, there was nothing else attractive. It was so forgettable I don't even remember the rest. Well, it's a meat place anyway, so the salad is secondary.
Now, the meats.
Servers with various cuts of meat on skewers approach each table and offer a sample (or piece) to the diner. A marker is placed on the table to indicate whether you want more meat or not. Rotating the marker with the green side displayed meant more meat, while the red side meant you've had enough.
I tried practically every cut of meat that looked delectable. Of the 8 or 9 cuts I tried, one (maybe 2) was worth a second or even a third piece. I liked the sirloin steak and the top sirloin the most. It's probably the best of them all, for my taste, but still not enough to die for. Everything else was dry or salty.
The pork and chicken sausages were super dry, while the chicken hearts were just a little overcooked for me. They were kinda tough. The beef wrapped in bacon was dry as well, and the bacon didn't help enhance the flavor. The lamp chop was too fatty for my taste buds. I love lamb chops (and lamb, in general) and I've actually baked lamb chops a couple of times, but this one didn't do me any good.
When the flap steak was offered, I declined. It just didn't look appetizing. The beef ribs were rolled around on a cart because of its size. It was the only meat not on a skewer. I tried it, but it wasn't as tender as I wanted it to be. The grilled shrimp wasn't too bad, but not exceptional either. And the grilled pineapple was a nice palate cleanser. I actually had 2 servings of it.
In talking to one of the servers, he suggested trying a typical Brazilian staple of white rice, black beans with pork, and sprinkled with yuca on top. As I was putting it together, it looked yummy. But I was disappointed because the beans & pork was salty, and it seemed like it lacked flavor. I had pictured the taste of the South's rice and beans, but this didn't come near it.
When it came to desserts, we asked for recommendations. Off the bat, another server suggested the 2 most expensive ones on their menu -- Dulce de Leche Crepe and a chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream. Why not?? Let's make a killing??? Nothing else looked interesting so we went with these 2.
After a hearty, meaty, cholesterol-filled meal, the last thing you need are super-sweet, diabetic-inducing desserts that'll take you straight to the emergency room. I am no sweet-tooth, so these 2 desserts didn't work for me at all. As a matter of fact, it didn't work for any of us. We barely ate half of each. And for $11.95 each, it was a lot to waste.
So, is Espetus worth all the meat? NO!!!
For $55.00 per head, it wasn't worth the money. My wife had a glass of merlot for $14, and the sodas my son and I had were over $3.00 each. And it wasn't even an 8 ounce bottle. The $11.95 desserts weren't worth a penny. For the over $250 tab that evening, I would have enjoyed a truly sumptuous prime, dry-aged porterhouse steak at Peter Luger in Brooklyn, plus a bottle of a primo vino.
Would I go back? Definitely not. Would I recommend it to anyone? Well, if you haven't tried the novelty of being served meat on skewers directly at your table, then go for it. But if you're after excellent steak, then this place is certainly not it. And I would skip the desserts all together.
Author's Note: Espetus Churrascaria Brazilian Steak House is located at 710 South B Street, San Mateo, CA 94401.
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